Tuesday, February 26, 2008
My heart hurts
I sent my dad the letter on Friday. He got it yesterday. He's angry and very hurt. I understand how he's feeling. I can empathize. But I also feel like I've made the right decision. I talked to his this morning with Jen in the conference room with me. It was so hard to talk to him. He wasn't even listening. He just kept saying how hurt he is. I can't help that I hurt him, but I have to be true to myself and how I feel. Right? He kept saying "This is all about you, isn't it? It's not about anyone else." You're right Dad. My wedding is all about me and Mike. It's all about US getting married. It's not about you! It's not about Mom! It's not about anyone else. It's about US and OUR relationship. It is MY day to be the bride. It's MIKE's day to be the groom. It's not HIS day to be my dad. He's had that role for the past 28 years. It doesn't make it any easier to know that the decision I've made is the right one for me. It doesn't make it any easier to hear from my dad how horrible I am and how disappointed in me he is. It doesn't make it any easier to know all this. Now I'm going to stop writing before I start to cry again and can't stop. My eyes are getting too raw!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A letter to my father
I need to write a letter to my father about the wedding. He needs to know how disappointed I am feeling in his lack of response or involvement in th wedding and I need to let him know that Mom will be giving me away. Here's a first draft...
Dear Daddy,
Every little girl dreams of her wedding day. A big white fairytale dress, pretty flowers, and a long walk down a short aisle to join the prince of her dreams. I'm no different than every other little girl. In my dreams, I saw the princess walking down to meet her prince at the altar surrounded by family and friends there to support and celebrate my union with my prince. I used to dream that my grandfather was walking me down to give me away. We had such a special relationship when I was growing up that this felt like the right way to honor that relationship. When he passed away almost 7 years ago, my dreams needed to change. Who would be walking me down the aisle in my dreams to give me away to my prince?
The symbolism of the giving away is typically that of the father giving away the daughter he raised - the little girl that he watched grow up and helped to become the woman that she is on her wedding day. It's quite a rite of passage for the woman's well-being and care to be "given" by the one that has taken care of her for so long to the one that will be taking care of her in the future. This symbolism and tradition has been a struggle for me as I've started this wedding planning process with Mike. Traditionally, my father should be giving me away. But if I am to honor the symbolism of those who have molded me into the woman I am, my mother should be giving me away. This has been my struggle for the past 2 months as this wedding process has begun.
After a lot of praying and talking with Mike, I have come to the decision that my mom will be walking me down the aisle to give me away at my wedding. I am writing to tell you this in advance because I need you to understand that this is what I want and that this is what is going to happen. My mom and I have a very special relationship, and I want to honor this relationship. She is both my mother and my best friend. She has been there every step of the way through my growing up and becoming a young woman. She is involved in my life, almost daily these days, and always takes interest in what is going on in my life. These are the reasons that she will be walking me down the aisle to give me away. John will also be joining her in escorting me as he also has been there every day for the last 20 years of my life. He too has been a big part of my life and upbringing and I want to honor him in this way as well.
I know that this is painful for you to hear/read, but I needed to tell you ahead of time. I need you to be okay with this and to understand that this is my choice. No one else has had any influence on this decision. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. You are my only Daddy and for that, you always hold a special part of my heart. I still want to have our Father-Daughter dance and you will still have that special walk down the aisle to your seat when the rest of the family does, but this one honor of giving me away is one that I am giving to my mom.
I love you very much Daddy. I hope that you can understand why I have made this decision. Walking me down the aisle to give me away is an honor that my mom has earned, not one that she is just getting because. I love you!
Always,
BooBoo
Dear Daddy,
Every little girl dreams of her wedding day. A big white fairytale dress, pretty flowers, and a long walk down a short aisle to join the prince of her dreams. I'm no different than every other little girl. In my dreams, I saw the princess walking down to meet her prince at the altar surrounded by family and friends there to support and celebrate my union with my prince. I used to dream that my grandfather was walking me down to give me away. We had such a special relationship when I was growing up that this felt like the right way to honor that relationship. When he passed away almost 7 years ago, my dreams needed to change. Who would be walking me down the aisle in my dreams to give me away to my prince?
The symbolism of the giving away is typically that of the father giving away the daughter he raised - the little girl that he watched grow up and helped to become the woman that she is on her wedding day. It's quite a rite of passage for the woman's well-being and care to be "given" by the one that has taken care of her for so long to the one that will be taking care of her in the future. This symbolism and tradition has been a struggle for me as I've started this wedding planning process with Mike. Traditionally, my father should be giving me away. But if I am to honor the symbolism of those who have molded me into the woman I am, my mother should be giving me away. This has been my struggle for the past 2 months as this wedding process has begun.
After a lot of praying and talking with Mike, I have come to the decision that my mom will be walking me down the aisle to give me away at my wedding. I am writing to tell you this in advance because I need you to understand that this is what I want and that this is what is going to happen. My mom and I have a very special relationship, and I want to honor this relationship. She is both my mother and my best friend. She has been there every step of the way through my growing up and becoming a young woman. She is involved in my life, almost daily these days, and always takes interest in what is going on in my life. These are the reasons that she will be walking me down the aisle to give me away. John will also be joining her in escorting me as he also has been there every day for the last 20 years of my life. He too has been a big part of my life and upbringing and I want to honor him in this way as well.
I know that this is painful for you to hear/read, but I needed to tell you ahead of time. I need you to be okay with this and to understand that this is my choice. No one else has had any influence on this decision. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. You are my only Daddy and for that, you always hold a special part of my heart. I still want to have our Father-Daughter dance and you will still have that special walk down the aisle to your seat when the rest of the family does, but this one honor of giving me away is one that I am giving to my mom.
I love you very much Daddy. I hope that you can understand why I have made this decision. Walking me down the aisle to give me away is an honor that my mom has earned, not one that she is just getting because. I love you!
Always,
BooBoo
Friday, February 8, 2008
Fun stuff!
Guess what I get to do tonight? Wine tasting in my living room! YAY!! :) I bought 8 bottles of wine and 5 bottles of champagne. We're going to taste them all to see what we want for dinner and what we want for the cocktail hour. YAY!! :) This is going to be fun.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
He got their blessing
Mike decided today that he would move in with me at my house when my roommate moves out. So he called his mom and dad tonight to share the news and get their opinion. He said that he approached it as "this is the decision that we have made and we wanted to share it with you before we did it." Thankfully, it went well and they understand. I'm excited to be starting this new chapter. YAY! Now I'm off to bed. A girl needs her beauty sleep! :)
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Living together?
Almost 2 months ago now, Mike and I made a private, personal commitment to each other that we are going to spend our lives together. The moment that he slipped the ring on my finger, was the moment that our lives together began. As we plan our wedding day, we are really planning a public celebration of the personal commitment that we have already made to one another. We have made the commitment and God knows our hearts too. We have made the commitment to Him as well that we will be together forever. Coming from broken homes ourselves, we don't believe in divorce. There is no problem that is too big for us to overcome with the help of our God. He will give us the strength to work through our problems and struggles. I love Mike now and I will love him tomorrow and every day after that.
Last night in our small group we talked about unconditional love. God has given us His unconditional love. We do not have to work to earn His love. It is something that He gives to us freely. I feel the same way with Mike. After two and a half years together, I now feel that there is nothing Mike will ever "have" to do to have my love. I give my love to him freely and openly, no matter what the circumstances of the moment/day. I have bad days and so does he, but when everything is said and done, I still love him with all that I have to give.
This comes up only because we face another hard decision in our lives together. On Friday, Mike gave notice at his condo that he'll be moving out by March 1. We had taken on this additional stress of finding Mike a place to live. Our goal was to find a place that would suit both of us when we are married in August. He would sign a year lease now and then I would move in with him after the wedding in August. We threw a wrench in our plan when we realized that buying a house is a really great decision for us financially. We even have an appointment this Thursday (tomorrow) to start the ball rolling with a mortgage broker. Then yesterday afternoon, my roommate Beth left me a voicemail. She said that as much as we've both been trying, it's just not working out for her to be living at the house. I totally agree with her, but had decided to suck it up until August when I would be moving anyway. So now I am faced with finding a new roommate by March.
As you can imagine, my thoughts turned to the things facing us in the next few months. We are planning a wedding for 6 months from now. We are considering buying a house. We have to find Mike a place to live by March 1. And now I need a new roommate as well! It's just amazing to me that all of this is hitting in just a few short months. With Mike searching for a place and my roommate giving notice 3 days later, we've realized that maybe God is shoving us through a door that we hadn't considered - moving in together as roommates. This possibility brings up so many different struggles, but ultimately it is about our lives and what feels like the right decision for us.
We don't think that Mike's family will agree with or support this decision. It makes it difficlult since we want them to be there the day we get married. We've asked his grandfather to marry us and I'm afraid that he'll change his mind if we move in together. This is our decision though about the rest of our lives. If we've already made the commitment to each other privately and with God, why is it a bad thing for us to move in together as roommates now? Is it worth the battle that may be caused or should we just figure it out in another way? I'm torn, but not because I think this is the wrong decision. I'm torn because I love Mike's family and want their support, but I also know what the right decision is for us.
Will they understand and trust us that our decision to move in together is a God-centered one? WIll they accept that we have prayed about this a lot and that this is what God is telling us to do? Will they be able to get past their own religious "rules" and see that what God is telling us to do may actually be the right thing? This is what I struggle with today. Not the wedding, not spending our lives together, not even the huge decision of buying a house. I struggle with the battle in my own heart between what God is telling me to do and what our families perceptions of those choices will be. My mom put it best when she said, "If you don't move in together now, when this opportunity is so apparent, then you are stupid."
Last night in our small group we talked about unconditional love. God has given us His unconditional love. We do not have to work to earn His love. It is something that He gives to us freely. I feel the same way with Mike. After two and a half years together, I now feel that there is nothing Mike will ever "have" to do to have my love. I give my love to him freely and openly, no matter what the circumstances of the moment/day. I have bad days and so does he, but when everything is said and done, I still love him with all that I have to give.
This comes up only because we face another hard decision in our lives together. On Friday, Mike gave notice at his condo that he'll be moving out by March 1. We had taken on this additional stress of finding Mike a place to live. Our goal was to find a place that would suit both of us when we are married in August. He would sign a year lease now and then I would move in with him after the wedding in August. We threw a wrench in our plan when we realized that buying a house is a really great decision for us financially. We even have an appointment this Thursday (tomorrow) to start the ball rolling with a mortgage broker. Then yesterday afternoon, my roommate Beth left me a voicemail. She said that as much as we've both been trying, it's just not working out for her to be living at the house. I totally agree with her, but had decided to suck it up until August when I would be moving anyway. So now I am faced with finding a new roommate by March.
As you can imagine, my thoughts turned to the things facing us in the next few months. We are planning a wedding for 6 months from now. We are considering buying a house. We have to find Mike a place to live by March 1. And now I need a new roommate as well! It's just amazing to me that all of this is hitting in just a few short months. With Mike searching for a place and my roommate giving notice 3 days later, we've realized that maybe God is shoving us through a door that we hadn't considered - moving in together as roommates. This possibility brings up so many different struggles, but ultimately it is about our lives and what feels like the right decision for us.
We don't think that Mike's family will agree with or support this decision. It makes it difficlult since we want them to be there the day we get married. We've asked his grandfather to marry us and I'm afraid that he'll change his mind if we move in together. This is our decision though about the rest of our lives. If we've already made the commitment to each other privately and with God, why is it a bad thing for us to move in together as roommates now? Is it worth the battle that may be caused or should we just figure it out in another way? I'm torn, but not because I think this is the wrong decision. I'm torn because I love Mike's family and want their support, but I also know what the right decision is for us.
Will they understand and trust us that our decision to move in together is a God-centered one? WIll they accept that we have prayed about this a lot and that this is what God is telling us to do? Will they be able to get past their own religious "rules" and see that what God is telling us to do may actually be the right thing? This is what I struggle with today. Not the wedding, not spending our lives together, not even the huge decision of buying a house. I struggle with the battle in my own heart between what God is telling me to do and what our families perceptions of those choices will be. My mom put it best when she said, "If you don't move in together now, when this opportunity is so apparent, then you are stupid."
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Mommy Time
My mom came to visit this weekend. She arrived on Friday evening and left this afternoon (Sunday). It was really fun to have her around. We had a VERY busy Saturday with breakfast with Suzanne first (Mike's mom) and then we went to visit the wedding site together. After the site visit, we dropped Mike's mom off and headed over to David's bridal in San Marcos to look for MOB outfits. Their selection was horrible, so we left there pretty quickly and headed out to look at hotels in the area. (I think we're going to set up a block of rooms at the Hampton Inn that's about 3 miles from the wedding site.) Then we had lunch, headed down to Macy's to do bridal registry stuff, and then back up to San Marcos to look at a possible townhouse for Mike and I to rent (well, Mike would move in now and I would move in August). Then is was back down to Mike's place to let Mandy out and relax for 30 minutes and the off to church. we finished the night with dinner with Jen Wahl at her hotel in Rancho Bernardo (she just happened to be down this weekend). We made it home around 10:30p after leaving that morning at 8a! It was a crazy day but I feel like we got a lot accomplished. Today, Sunday, we got up a little later and then headed over to the Alfred Angelo store for Mom to try on outfits. (She found one!) And I put on my gown for her to see too! it was fun. I know what kind of shoe I want now and may even be able to wear something I already own. We'll see! :)
It was so great to spend so much time with my mom. It made the wedding process real for both of us. It was so much fun! I wish she lived closer so that we could do more of this, but it was still a fun weekend. I'm going to go take a nap or at least lie down and read my book. :) I think I need the rest after the craziness!
It was so great to spend so much time with my mom. It made the wedding process real for both of us. It was so much fun! I wish she lived closer so that we could do more of this, but it was still a fun weekend. I'm going to go take a nap or at least lie down and read my book. :) I think I need the rest after the craziness!
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