A clean house

It's a lot of work to keep a house clean. From dusting to vacuuming to wiping down every surface....it's a lot. But when it's all done, I feel so cleansed myself. I feel like the filth that covered my house is the same as the filth that covers me. I clean the house and in the meantime, I clean the filth from me. I start at the top and work my way down from one surface to the next. Wiping, cleaning, mopping, sweeping...every surface, ceiling to the floor. And when I'm done, my home sparkles and shines. It has that "just cleaned" scent that can't be disguised. The clutter is put away and the dust bunnies are in the garbage.

It's the same inside me as it is when I clean my home. If I first clean up my mind, think positive, let go of the grudges, hand over control, then I can move forward. I can start a new day or a new week or just a new period of my life without the baggage of before. I start at the top and I work my way down. It's a refreshing feeling to be so sparkling and shiny from the inside out. And I think other people can see it too. It's something that affects all that you touch and do when you "clean yourself" from the inside out.

I have a clean house today and I'm working toward cleaning myself. Going in to the holiday season, I am taking a step back from what everyone tells me is important and really reassessing my life. My family, my friends, my faith - that's what's important to me. When I realign my life and clean up from the top on down, I'm going to be that sparkling, shiny woman I love. I guess I should go start cleaning now.

A little hint? That's all I'm asking...

Wedding is over. Cruise is past. Gifts are opened and stored. Life has started again. I can't complain. Married life is pretty great. I've got a wonderful and supportive husband. I have a job that pays the bills. I have great friends and family. I'm on the way to owning a home and then eventually starting a family. And yet...I feel like something is missing.

In no order of importance, or maybe in the order that it happened for me...
God? check.
Friends? check.
Beliefs? check.
Degree? check.
Career? check.
Dog? check.
Married? check.
House?
Kids?
Passion?

Where are my "checks" for those things other things I'm waiting for? I'm finally an adult God....what about the rest of the things that you've been prepping me for? I've got a great husband who I love with all my heart and soul. I'm steadily employed, bringing home a paycheck to help support our small family. We're working to being completely debt free with only a few more months to go. But what else am I missing? I'm a little lost on where you want me right now. I started writing this for myself and now I'm writing to You. Funny how that works out. I guess you're always in my heart, listening to everything that is there. I guess I need to remember that when I'm having a hard day and I feel like I've got no one to talk to. Can't "complain" at work anymore. Don't want to bring Mike down when I get home (he has his own work issues to deal with). Can't call my mom every day to complain about things at work...what's constructive about that? Sometimes I just wish that I could hear you a little more loud and clear. I hate doubting my path and if I'm making the right choices. I know you only point me where you want me and then the rest is up to me. But am I doing it right? Will I ever know? Do I have to wait until the day you take me home to find out if I did it right? Did I make you happy? Did I screw up only a few times?

A little hint would be great. Just a little one. Please?
Night Abba...I'm off to sleep and dream.