Stuck?

Do you ever feel stuck in life? Stuck in your career? Stuck in your friendships? Stuck in a lease? Stuck in a situation that you can't change?

I took the day off today to kind of have a mental health day. It really just made me realize that I'm bored with what I do every day and that I want to do something to change that. I'm not sure what that means and I'm not sure how to figure it out. I'm just going to spend a lot of time in prayer about my life and where He wants me to go.

I love doing graphic design, but I'm bored in my job right now. Maybe if I went back to school that would help, but I don't know. Maybe I just need to change companies and do design for someone else. I sometimes feel like the choices I've made have put me down a pretty stagnant road.

I'm ready for some chance in my life. I'm ready to get the next stage of my life going, but I don't know what that stage is. Does that mean marriage and kids? does that mean picking up and moving from SD? Does that mean just sitting back and waiting for life to happen to me? I'm tired of sitting around waiting and I'm tired of my life. I don't know why I'm so despondent today, but it sucks.

I wish I could be the happy girl that everyone loves all the time. Oh well! I've got to get my act together and go lead small group soon. Maybe that will help some. I'll keep ya posted...

Passed Out...Almost!

Can you believe it? I almost passed out this morning when they were taking blood. BLAH!! Actually, here's what really happened...

I went to have my annual physical exam a couple weeks ago. We're doing these online health surveys for work and I needed a bunch of stats from my doctor to fill it out (blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc.). So I went and they told me that I couldn't have my exam until December because it has to be exactly one year between girly visits! What a waste of my time! I rescheduled and the nurse told me to come in on November 26 in the morning to have blood taken for the tests. That way I would have the information by the time I have my doctor's appointment on December 3.

So this morning I got up and went to work. No eating or drinking for me until after they took my blood. I had a meeting at 9am so I figured I'd go after the meeting. By the time i got over to the doctor's office, I was getting really light-headed because I hadn't eaten. I couldn't wait to eat something! They took me back to the lab and started looking for veins. Apparently my veins are small and hard to find. I hide them, the nurse told me. Thye found a small one in my left arm, put the needle in, and poof, out it came and all the blood stopped. She told me I "popped my vein!" It was interesting. So they had to move to a vein in my hand. The nurse put the tourniquet on, swabbed my hand and was looking for the vein when I said "You need to move. I need to....I'm going to....Uh oh...I think I'm going to be sick." I got up and ran to the bathroom, did my thing, came back, gave her my hand and said "All set. You have about 10 minutes until I'll have to throw up again if i do." She looked at me like I was crazy, put the needle in my hand, and got me out of there in 8 minutes!

I can't believe that I threw up and almost passed out just having three little vials of blood taken for standard tests. Oh what fun! I felt like such a high-maintenance baby when it happened. Oh well! I've learned my lesson now -- someone needs to actually drive me to the doctor's office if I have to give blood and I definitely need to keep my eyes closed while they do it!

Spoiled

So on my birthday, Mike had to fly to Phoenix in the morning for work. It was early and we were both still asleep when he left. I went to work, it was a fine day, Jen got me flowers, most of my friends called or text messaged me, my dad forgot...you know, the typical birthday stuff for me! :) When Mike got home from Phoenix, he didn't have a card for me or any gifts to open. Compound that with the fact that my dad forgot, my family was late in the game in getting anything in the mail, and I was not a happy girl.

I'm used to being spoiled, and I really like it. I will admit it completely! I like being spoiled and taken care of. I do my best to spoil those in my life as well. I typically do a pretty good job. It was really less about getting "stuff" and more that I didn't feel like the day was special. It was supposed to be a day about me and it wasn't. I know I sound incredibly spoiled and self-centered. but for one day out of the year, I think that's okay! :)

Fast forward almost a month to this past weekend...Mike took a nap and I took Mandy to the dog park and then I went to the grocery store on my way home. Mike called while I was out to say he was going to Game Stop to sell back some games. I got home, I made dinner, I did some prpe for Turkey Day, and he still wasn't home! It was a VERY long trip to Game Stop. After dinner he convinced me to run back out the store because I forgot to get him the ice cream he asked for (I told you I spoil him the best I can!). So I went and got back to the house in about 30 minutes. Mike was out of breath when he got the door for me, like he had been running around or something.

sitting on a table in side the door was a birthday bag with a card in it. The card basically said "Happy birthday. Sorry it isn't a bigger gift, but we had a great vaca." The gift was some measuring spoons and cups that I wanted, the long-handled stainless steel kind! (I know, I'm a dork). I said thank you and reminded him that he didn't really have to do anything. Just having him in my life is a good enough present for me (again...I know I'm a dork).

Then he got up, told me to stay on the couch, and walked down the hall. He came back with a huge wrapped box. Inside was a set of Calaphon pots and pans (so exciting!!!). Then he did it again and came back with a big birthday bag with gifts in it. Then he took the bag back and came back with more! when I thought it was all done, I walked to the dining table and saw yet another box with a bow on it! It was crazy. I love being spoiled, but this was a lot. He got me the pots and pans, measuring spoons and cups, a creme brulee set, electric fondue pot, set of Calaphon knives, and stainless steel mixing bowls!

It's amazing. He is amazing. I just had to share that I'm spoiled and I really love it!

Frustrated

Have you ever loved someone so much that they never do anything wrong? And when they hurt you or disappoint you, you just get over it? Yeah, well, that's me tonight.

I work hard at what I do. I don't manager people. I don't manager processes. But I work hard.
Not only do I work hard at my career, but I work hard at my life. I give everything I have to my life. I give everything I am to those I love. I listen after a long day of my own to the frustrations of others. I share the joy of successes. I share my heart and everything on it. I take care of everyone and everything in my life, no matter who they are to me. That's just me.

Is it wrong for me to want to feel appreciated and taken care of too? Tonight...I don't. I feel left and unimportant and unwanted. Whatever. I'm going to bed now. I'll wake up tomorrow and just go on as though nothing bothers me...because what fun would I be if I brought people down. Must suck to be human sometimes.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND RUN AWAY AND NEVER EVER COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting out...

I'm just starting this whole blogging thing today. I don't know that my thoughts are intriguing enough to share, but they're mine. Maybe someone will find them interesting enough to read. I live a simple life of work, the gym, my dog, my boyfriend, my church, cooking, and just being. Eeally that's all I'm about - just being me. Why change who you are by regretting what you've done in the past? It would be pointless. So I'm just content being me! Hope you enjoy my thoughts as unprovoking as they may be.