Why We Should Move In Together

(Parents are dumb!!!! I really wish we could send this to them!)

By: The People Who Want to Move In Together, Inc.

Two young people living together is against Christian beliefs and norms. However, it has become a societal norm these days. The statistical divorce rate is so high these days already that young people are choosing to move in together in order to learn to live with one another prior to making a life long commitment. For Mike and I, although we have talked about making this decision previously, we had decided that this was not the right decision for us.

For us, getting engaged on Christmas day is a promise of forever. We have already committed to each other that we will be one for the rest of our lives. Waiting to have the wedding ceremony and reception in March 2009 is really just for the benefit of having our family and friends around us to share in the special day. We would just as soon buy plane tickets to Vegas for a weekend in the next few weeks and get our lives started in a chapel with Elvis officiating the ceremony. This is not something either of us wants to do as we are really looking forward to the sharing the day with our families and friends.

That said, we are again considering moving in together for a variety of reasons. The first and foremost being the financial implications this will have on our future. Currently, with Mike living in Rancho Bernardo (RB) and Jen living in Linda Vista (LV), we have a total disposable income of approximately $114 combined. In reality, this money does not get saved, but instead applied to other bills and unexpected expenses. However, if we were to move in together, our disposable income each month could increase to as much as $1,650 per month. This means we could potentially save almost $20,000 by our proposed wedding date in March 2009.

The other reason that we have discussed the option of moving in together is that we already spend the majority of our time together. Jen drives up to Mike’s house every Friday evening after work and doesn’t leave again until Monday morning for work. We also host small group for our church on Tuesday nights, so Jen is back up at Mike’s that night as well. We are currently paying over $2,000 in rent each month with Jen only living part time at her place, basically a waste of almost $700 each month. There are two scenarios that we have looked at as far as living together goes.
The first scenario would be for Mike to move down to Jen’s house in San Diego. The total rent each month would be $600, split in half, and utilities currently run around $90 per person (split 3 ways) so with splitting the utilities in four, there would be an additional savings there. We would be living with 2 other housemates which could possibly add stress to our lives. Jen has already been living with both individuals and we already understand the idiosyncrasies of both people, so are better prepared to make this transition of adding Mike to the established household. This option is the most financially friendly option with the potential of saving almost $20,000 by the time we get married in just one year.

The second scenario we have considered is for Jen to move in to Mike’s place in Rancho Bernardo. The commute from RB would be pretty much equal for both Jen and Mike and there would be more privacy and less intrusion by others as it would just be the three of us here (Mike, Jen, and Mandy). However, Mike’s current landlords are not the easiest to communicate with and we don’t relish maintaining the tenant relationship with them for too much longer. In this scenario we could potentially save approximately $8,500 in one year. The expenses would be higher at Mike’s place, but there wouldn’t be additional roommates and therefore the added stress of “roommate issues.” (We all know Jen’s luck with roommates lately!)

Another option that we have considered is for Mike to find another place either by him self that is cheaper or rent a room in a house/apartment with roommates. This is again a viable option for saving money, but will put us in the same situation as we currently are: us spending the majority of our time commuting between houses in order to see each other, wasting gas, and potentially rent and utility money in places where we aren’t living full time. In making this decision, we also have to look at our happiness and contentment with our lives. If either of us makes a move that we aren’t happy with in order to save money, planning our wedding will become a chore and not the joy that it should be.

We do understand the objections that our families may have to us living together. Living together as a couple before marriage is not right as taught by our church. But aren’t we also taught not to condemn or judge others for their actions as He is the ultimate judge, not us. If we have prayerfully considered this for months now and have heard an answer, been given direction by Him, shouldn’t we follow what He tells us is right for OUR future despite what our family may think? Last February we made another prayerful decision that has served us well. It has been 10 months now since we have been sexually intimate. While we still stay the night together and spend weekends together, we have not been intimate, nor have we even undressed in front of one another in this entire time. It has been a challenge at times, but one that we have stepped up to and met. We plan to maintain this promise we made to each other and to God until the day we are married. Our relationship is stronger today than it was 10 months ago, as is testament in our engagement and upcoming nuptials.

We are now choosing to share this decision with you because we don’t want to offend or upset our families by making this decision. What it comes down to is that financially, in order for us to get married in a year, we need to save some money. The only way for us to do this right now with our lives as they are, is to make a change in our living situation. Jen’s family has already given us their blessing to make this decision if it is right for us. Now we ask for the same understanding and acceptance from you.